i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
