I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
