i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
