there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
