Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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