If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Someone shattered a urinal.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
