he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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