There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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