We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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