I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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