dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
