My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
