i think i have two assholes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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