I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
