eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I fill condoms, not promises.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
