I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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