what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
