everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
how drunk are you?
Several
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
