My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize