While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
