I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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