watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
