I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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