just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize