break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
