this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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