I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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