Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So many bounce houses so little time
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
