Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
