instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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