I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I didn't notice because vodka
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
