Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
