someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
