when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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