I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
