She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
