ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
