i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
