And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize