Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
