The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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