I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
