had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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