So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
