U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
