I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I supernannyed him into submission
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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