I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
