Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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