Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
