that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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