i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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