i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
