tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize