We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
should my penis look like a turkey
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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