I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
