so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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