This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
