3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
