Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
