I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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