My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
