Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
