Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
