I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
