Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
