Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just invented taco cereal.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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