ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
