i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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