apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
